Boboism revealed
By Brian Nicholson
Many beliefs have came and went in the history of the world. People over the years have argued, smited, and killed people for their beliefs. No longer will people have to wallow around in confusion, for BOBO's word is bond!
In case you are wondering, "bobo" is the great pimp entity, "bobo the space monkey". Yes, our "god" is a gorilla; how else is anyone going to explain this "evolution" crap? The philosophy of bobo is simple: as long as you don't playa hate, you pretty much have done exactly what is expected of you. The worst thing you can possibly do in the eyes of The Great Overpimp is to whine about someone elses success and not try to get yours.
Now I know what you are probably thinking; "why a pimp? Don't pimps make their money by exploiting women?" That is correct, although this is not a misogynistic religion: we boboists believe that people choose their own paths in life. Therefore, if someone becomes a hoe, then it was merely what they found on their path that led them to this. Besides, most whores are christian anyway, because of what we boboists refer to as "the reverse morality" effect:
The more you hold someone back, The more they will be drawn to decadence.
We boboists believe in free will, so if any one of us wants to enter such a world as pimping, we can freely wallow in the poontang. Hey, why else would sex sell so well!? Our way, unlike other religions, encourages the vital thought that we control our own destiny; a true "baller" will be able to get whatever they want. In our sense of the word, a "baller" is the most rightious individual in existence, essentially like their own personal Bobo, an individual truly capable of forming their corner of the universe to their liking. This is the reason why we have "playa hatas"; naturally, when someone achieves nearly godlike power, those who don't have this ability are not pleased. See, while other religions encourage sheeplike assimilation, boboism encourages self-reliance and eventual accumulation. Forbidden fruit is always more desirable to someone who can't have it; in boboism, if you try hard enough, the fruit is yours, no questions asked. THERE IS NO FORBIDDEN FRUIT.
The beginning of all life in this universe (their is life on other planets, which is why I do not directly address Earth) came from just two things in existence at the beginning: Bobo himself, and marijuana. The sun came about from Bobo's lighter, and Bobo created civilization for entertainment reasons; the first woman was just for pleasure, and the first man was made by accident, then left to live so someone else could have a shot at the woman. We have become smarter over time, to the point you see today, but the point is still the same: we are basically here to entertain Bobo. We are just doing it in more complex ways.
Since weed was one of the Divine Firsts, ganja is sacred. These marijuana laws are in essence sacrilage. However just because it is sacred does not mean that all boboists smoke weed; it merely means that they appreciate Divine Thing #2, otherwise known as WEED THA MOST HIGH. Back on the previous subject, while we are here for Bobo's amusement, the meaning of life is this: We are to excel, accomplish, and accumulate on our own as much as possible, becoming our own personal bobo, until Bobo returns to congratulate us by sharing his personal stash. When Bobo returns, the world will not end. Instead, all true ballers (people who have become their own bobo's) will become immortal, all secrets and privlages of life will be theirs. In a nutshell, all true ballers will become Gods, living the life of kings. All haters, meanwhile, will spend eternity being beaten by the Pimp/Thug immortal force that inhabited Tupac. They will be forced to spend the rest of their lives being repeadedly rode on by Makaveli himself, for the BallerImmortal's enjoyment.
On the subject of other religions prophets (jesus, moses, mohammed, etcetera), we boboists have questioned whether or not these individuals really existed. Our rationale: These people seem to only be mentioned for the reason of behavior adjustment, only being used as examples of what the other religions deem "good" people. This is obviously wrong, because common sense (if not boboist enlightenment alone) shows that the word "good" is extremely mallable, and therefore should not be applied to life in general. This can be summed up in this phrase:
A truely free soul has no restrictions.
History has shown us that the majority of what happens in this universe is created off of one factor: Contradiction. Life has created plently of double-talk altercations: the crusades with their "holy war", the "normal society", "justice under the law", these are all sad examples of people and their double talk. Boboist philosophy says this:
Instead of slight misleading, you might as well just lie your ass off. Dishonesty is an inevitable factor in society, so it might as well be fun. For example, instead of just saying one thing and doing the opposite, do something else too. If you are going to bother contemplating double talk, you might as well practice your quadruple talk along the way.
Some other information on boboism:
-In Boboism, the teachings are put into music form by way of what others refer to as "gangsta rap". The philosophy of boboism is reflected in all of these songs; from playa hatas to free will and the appreciation of Divine Thing #2. This has been reflected throughout the music of people like TooShort, E-40, Master P, and Tupac among others. Any references to other religious figures in their music is only done as a smokescreen, to pull the wool over the eyes of anyone who would otherwise combat boboist teachings; you can't hit what you can't see.
-Evolution did happen, but it was as a result of Bobo deciding to "handicap" this new race, so as to observe their climb upwards more gradually. Plus he was bored.
-The two boboist commandments:
Thou shalt not playa hate.
Thou shalt be allowed to do whatever you have to in order to survive.
-a true boboist does not pray to bobo. Bobo is too busy ballin' to answer these, and he is TheOverPimp, so he can do whatever he wants. If you see someone kneeling and saying "Bobo can you hear me?", this person is NOT a boboist.
-Bobo is not in any way related to "bob" of the Church of the Subgenius. He did sell him a dime bag once, though (just kidding....).